What Might Have Been
by AnonymousSe7en
Summary: "If two past lovers remain in contact, its either someone is still in love or someone is still hoping for a second chance... "
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**  
This story involves my OC Tommy Wolff and AJ Lee; a detailed character profile for Tommy will be uploaded sometime in the near future for anyone who would like to know a little more about his character. Any comments, questions, concerns? Just write them in a review and I will do my best to answer them all. Hope you enjoy :)  
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_**Warning: Explicit sexual content.**

Perhaps another time would have been ideal. Perhaps it would've been more convenient for me to have come at a different time. However, at the time it was what felt right.

The Chevy bounced as I neared the ranch and I remembered how it had felt driving down this same path so long ago, except at that time my heart didn't feel like it did now, kind of like someone had it in their hands and was squeezing it every now and then, effectively prolonging what I knew to be the inevitable. The canopy of trees began to thin out as I approached the white gate to the ranch, slowly bring the truck to a stop and killing the engine. In the distance I could see the dull brown bark with the white doors and several horses grazing about the pasture. A familiar figure stood beside one of the many horses, brushing it's beautiful golden mane; she wore a plaid blouse and jean shorts, her long brunette hair tied back in a loose braid.

I leaned back in my seat and just watched her for a few moments, trying to gather enough courage to get out of the truck. I could feel the pounding of my nervous heart thumping in my throat and suddenly I felt like I had to throw up. I braced myself on the steering wheel and squeezed my eyes shut, heaving dramatically outside the car door, however, my breakfast did not make another appearance. Wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my uniform I inhaled deeply and stepped out of the truck, and as if she had been expecting me, she looked up from brushing the horse as I slammed the car door. I slowly walked towards the gate, unlatching the lock as I had done so many times, and headed towards the barn. She had started to walk towards me too and even from far away I could see the surprise that lingered on her face when she recognized me. She wiped her hands on her shorts and stopped in front of me.

A part of me, the hopelessly in love part, wanted so desperately to run up to her and embrace her in my arms, but just as the temptation arose it faded when I remembered that she had denied me that right long ago, and the part of me that hated her for what she had done prevailed and I just stood there, staring at her. Our time apart had not changed her from what I remembered. She still had her long brunette hair, now swept back in a braid, hair that I so badly wanted to run my fingers through again. Her beautiful face had not changed and she was still as gorgeous as I remembered her to be, though my memories were a pale in comparison to the real thing. I felt an overwhelming ache in my chest as I stared hard into those emerald eyes which had once meant everything to me, which had once held so much love for someone who could not even love himself. They had always bore such warmth and peace and now they no longer glimmered with that sparkle of happiness, instead they were glazed over with sadness and distress, something that made my heart twinge. This was not the woman I had fallen in love with so many years ago, this was not the same woman who, despite all the heartache and sadness she had caused me, I still loved more than anything or anyone.

"Tommy," she whispered as though she was not able to speak my name for it would cause her physical pain. "W-What brings you here? I haven't seen you in years."

I nodded not sure I could speak yet. "My grandmother," I managed to stammer in a feeble voice.

She seemed surprised. "Oh. How is she?" She asked.

I shrugged and shook my head, unable to open my mouth to tell her.

"Oh my gosh. I wish - I wish I could have known earlier," she blurted out, her hand jumping to cover her mouth in what I believed what shock," I'm so sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay."

And in fact it was, or so I wanted it to be.

Silence settled around us, however not awkward I found myself taking in my surroundings more so than I ever had before while being at the ranch. The barn seemed newer, she had probably refurbished it with her husband and her nephew Robert, that kid had always loved construction and mechanics for as long as I could remember. The ranch house which also lay on the property had been reshingled - baby blue with white trim and a white wrap around porch, I could not deny that the house was beautiful. However, as much as I attempted to distract myself from the situation by scrutinizing the expanse of land before me, I could not avoid eye contact with her no matter how hard I tried to. I felt the hand with my heart squeeze and I felt as though my knees would buckle and I would crumple to the ground when I looked into her eyes. She cleared her throat and looked down at the ground and asked if I would like to come inside. No, was my first thought. I wasn't going to sit there and pretend everything was fine and I didn't want to sit there and make small talk with her husband. I didn't think I could take that, that was too much too soon.

'It's just me," she added in a comforting whisper, as if she had known what I was thinking.

I don't know why and I don't think I could have controlled it if I wanted to, but I found myself nodding, even though I was fully aware of all the pain it would cause me just to sit down across from her. However I think it was a sacrifice I was willing to make if it meant seeing her smile again, the smile that brought me to my knees, especially if it was the last time I would see it.

I followed behind her up to the house. She lead me into the living room and told me to make myself comfortable while she prepared us some drinks. I obliged with a nod however I just sat down stiffly and placed my combination cover in my lap. I felt out of place, like I didn't belong there - like an intruder. I fumbled absently with the tie on my uniform however several pictures upon the mantle caught my attention.

Reflecting back on it now, I painfully wish I wouldn't have looked, but at the time, I had wanted to. I knew what the damned thing was before I even looked at it, but for some reason - perhaps a self-loathing part of me took over - I looked anyway. There she was in all her beauty in a long white dress and a bouquet of flowers grasped in her hands. Her hair was pinned back and she smiled a bright smile, the simple sight of her was breathtaking. I took a breath for I knew I would die if I didn't hold it in, and allowed my eyes to drift over towards the rest of the picture and what I saw, although it just confirmed what I had thought, made me my hands tremble. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and had been winded. I was so shocked, so broken, that I just barely heard April enter the room and ask me something.

I looked over at her, not bothering to cover up the evident pain and betrayal that was smeared on my face, letting her for the first time, see what she had really done to me, how badly she had really broken me. I suppose the look on my face stopped her from asking me what she had planned to because she just stood there with two glasses of soda in either hand, just staring at me.

The tension which filled the air was tangible and I loosened my tie because I felt suffocated. I jumped back from the table as the soda splashed across the wood and almost onto my lap, April cursed under her breath and began apologizing for her clumsiness as she raced into the kitchen to grab something to clean up the spill. She returned with a rag and quickly apologized even more when she noticed I had a purple stain on my tie.

"It's okay, I'll just go to the bathroom and wash up," I said, standing from my seat, "by the way, you have a little something on your shirt too.'

She looked down at her blouse and smiled an embarrassed smile.

She lead me through the house and upstairs to the bathroom, leaving me to clean myself up while she went into the bedroom to change. I stared at myself in the mirror while trying to aggressively scrub the stain from my tie not even thinking about the fact that she was changing just a mere ten feet from me. I couldn't think straight, all I wanted to do was walk into that room and grab her and kiss her, and tell her how much I still loved her and wanted her. At that moment I caught a glimpse of her bare back and shoulder in the mirror, her long brunette hair flowing down her naked back; she glanced over her shoulder and caught my gaze. My grip on the sink tightened as I tried to extinguish the explosive emotions which threatened to claw their way out of me.

She stood in the bedroom, the one she shared with her husband, but she didn't seem to be thinking about her husband at all. My jaw tightened as I stared at her reflection and my gaze caressed her curves and milk skin. She glanced over her shoulder but looked away and pulled a white blouse over her body. The act seemed so innocent and simple, but I knew. She turned away from me and I quickly pulled my gaze down to the sink.

I grabbed my coat which hung on the towel rack and walked out of the bathroom, she buttoned the last button on her blouse. "I should go," I muttered, pulling my arm through my jacket.

She looked at me, her lips came together in a thin line and she swallowed. "Oh, um, yeah."

There was a tangible tension in the air and we both just stood there staring at one another. Behind her, I could see the backyard, the old wooden swing set we had once swung on together.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

My gaze drifted from the window and rested on her immaculate body and the way her brown, luscious hair flowed down her shoulders and the way they covered her cleavage. My breath hitched in my throat as my heart began to thump inside my chest, I could feel it pulsating in my neck; I was so nervous and my hands had begun to sweat. She stared at me with a knowing look upon her face, the look was just that - a look, but between us, it meant so much more than anyone would ever understand. She stepped closer to me and placed her hands on my chest, sliding them up my chest and resting them gently on my shoulders. My heart began to race and I felt dizzy.

Thinking back, I was so blinded by the moment, the way her hands rested on my shoulders and the way her body was now pressed against mine, that I wasn't thinking straight. I would have done absolutely anything for her. I was so pathetically, desperately in love that I wasn't even thinking. She got on her tiptoes and leaned in close, so close I could feel her breath on my lips - the smell of spearmint and sweet pea perfume assaulted my nostrils and right there in that very moment I wanted to ravish her. I wanted to lift her up by her thighs and throw her on the bed and make sweet love to her, whisper sweet nothings into her ear and tell her how much I loved her and how I was falling apart without her. But I was paralyzed. I couldn't even breath with her lips so close to mine, it felt so surreal.

She closed her eyes and I closed my, then I felt the soft flesh of her lips press against mine and I nearly fainted. The kiss sent a shock of electricity through my body and suddenly I found myself holding her hips and assaulting her lips with mine, desperately clinging to her as if this were the last moment I would ever see her. I pushed her up against the wall and pinned her there with my pelvis, as I slowly undid her blouse all the while kissing her neck and shoulders. I had missed her so much. The smell of her perfume, the softness of her tender lips, the way she brushed her hair from her face when we kissed. I missed everything and I was prepared to do absolutely anything to get it all back, even if it was just for one night. One night where I slept beside her, where I laid there with her head on my chest and just listened to the sounds in the night rock us gently to sleep. One night where I could feel her skin against mine just one more time. I wanted to pretend, for one night, that we didn't mess it all up, that she was still mine.

We gotta do it one more time

One night together

One more time, one crazy ride

One more time, on one another

One more time we say goodbye

I was up on the chair in her bedroom with her straddling me, fucking me like a bodybuilder doing push-ups - ten, twenty, thirty...Her breasts - bouncing right in front of my face as I grabbed them - and her face were smear with glistening sweat but it was mine, it poured off of me like a boxer in the seventh round of a fight he knew he'd never win. I kept one hand on the small of her back to steady her, while I ran my fingers through my soaked hair with my other, sweat leaked into my eyes and stung them. But I clenched my jaw and dug my fingers into her hips as she arched back, bouncing and fucking me harder than ever before.

Before she can even react, I've got both my hands on her naked behind and I'm carrying her to the bed, slamming her down, sliding right into her, never missing a beat. She moans, nearly shrieks, as I move into her and I roughly place my hand over her mouth as I begin to kissing and suck on her neck, claiming her as my own prize. I quickly flip her onto her stomach, her behind - so porceline, the color of milk - is in the air. In one smooth movement, I angle my body so that I'm directly behind her, with my fingers firmly gripping her hips, then I hit her - hard. She shrieks, but it slowly turns into soft moans, as I slam deeper and deeper inside with each thrust. I reach around and gently fondle her clit, I suddenly pull out of her and began massaging her from behind, moving rhythmically inside of her, my thumb circling and pressing against her swollen clit...Then I'm back inside of her, for this one last time, this one last night...

**_Continue or delete? _**


	2. Jace

**Author's Note: **Second chapter of the story, here we get to meet Jace, AJ's nephew, (who was accidentally called Robert in the last chapter) and Tommy confronts AJ. By the way, this fic is A.I, just thought I should let you guys know that. Comments, questions, concerns? Write them in the reviews. Hope you enjoy :)

I opened my eyes, sunlight bathed my naked body as I lay on my side facing the window which overlooked the pasture fields. I attempted to close my eyes again; what had happened yesterday was not something I was prepared to face today. Thoughts gnawed at my brain as I laid there staring out the glass expansion before me, forbidding me to return to my slumber, where I had hoped to hide for at least a couple more hours. I wasn't ready for this confrontation, I just wasn't prepared for any of this. The alarm clock on the nightstand read 7:34am in bold green numbers, and I cursed myself for waking at such a ridiculous hour. The remnants of the dream I had the night before were chased away as I became more alert, I watched the small dust motes dance in the morning sunlight then suddenly I could feel the other side of the mattress moving and I closed my eyes and sighed, gathering the courage to turn around and face what was behind me.

The bed creaked slightly as I turned around and propped myself up on one elbow and looked at her. I watched her while she slept. Her bare shoulder exposed, so porcelain and milky, the way her hair pooled around her head on her pillow, the way her bare chest - concealed by the comforter - rose up and down as she slept. She was so beautiful. I sat up and ran my fingers through my messy hair, the warm sun felt soothing on my exposed back almost like someone's gentle hands massaging all the stress and confusion away.

I wanted to cry, to be completely honest. I wanted to just sit there and sob because I knew that once she woke up and remembered the events of the previous night, things would change, things would be so different. She had a husband - a damn husband - that would be home in a couple days. She had a nephew that, because of her brother's inability to take care of him, she needed to care for and provide for. She could not afford to have me in her life, there wasn't room for me anymore. I was just a hindrance, a speed bump that was only going to cause problems. That night had meant everything to me, absolutely everything. I still loved her more than anything, I loved her more than she could ever imagine, and I wanted to be with her, in every possible way. But I just couldn't imagine that she felt the same. She couldn't feel the same. She had a husband, a husband whom she claimed to want to spend the rest of her life with. She didn't want me.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and put my head in my hands as I sat on the edge of the bed, my back to her. I couldn't shake the fact that I knew what I had done last night, the things we had done, were wrong. So completely and utterly wrong. She was a married women. She had a solid family and here I was, a wayward young man who didn't even know what he wanted, who had been through so many failed relationships it wasn't even funny anymore. We had something at one point and time; at one time, we had been so in love it hurt, but now...Now things had changed so much. She had herself altogether, she had everything going for her, then I came out of a blue Chevy and complicated everything. What the hell had I been thinking coming here in the first place? I was so stupid.

She began to stir and my heart sank into my stomach. She would be awake soon and I hadn't even planned out anything to say to her or what to do once she woke up. Moments later I knew she was awake but she hadn't said anything, I supposed she must have been just as confused and torn as I was.

Finally she spoke, "Jace gets dropped off today in about fifteen minutes," she said in a somewhat raspy, quiet voice as she rose from the bed.

I hadn't turned around but I could hear her shuffling around in her closet - putting on appropriate clothing I assumed. I nodded but I didn't say anything, I got up and collected my clothes into my arms and headed towards the bathroom without asking if I could use it. She said nothing as I passed her vanity where she sat applying a small amount of makeup, I caught her glance in the mirror and that hand with my heart squeezed and I thought I might die right there in her bedroom. I closed the bathroom door behind me very gently, barely making a sound - just a small click could be heard, and placed my bundle of clothes on the counter.

I felt dizzy as I stepped back from the counter and stared at myself in the mirror, in a pair of boxer briefs and a tank-top, my dog-tags hanging from around my neck. I sat on the edge of the tub, scrubbed my face with my hands and sighed, I didn't think I could take it anymore. She was confusing me, I couldn't tell if she cared or not or if she was just using me because her husband was out of town. I just didn't know. She had broken me so bad, I was falling apart at the seams. I got up and began to put my clothes on. The distinct smell of bacon slapped me as I walked out of the bathroom, the bedroom had been deserted and I could hear voices coming from downstairs.

Jace.

She wore a silk rob the came just below her knees and her long hair was tied up in a messy bun as she stood in front of the stove flipping pancakes. My eyes scanned the kitchen and rested on the brunette child that sat at the table with three matchbox cars, he didn't notice me at first and continued to absently ramble to April about school and slam his matchbox cars into one another. He still resembled the same mud lovin', truck ridin' kid I remembered but boy had the years changed him. Last time I had seen Jace he was just about three or four and was running around April's house in his underwear, his blonde hair was much darker now and his face had changed, he looked older, more mature. He had his hair was cropped rather short and his blue eyes were casted towards the table, he wore a simple white tank-top and a string bracelet around one wrist, and he had a light smear of freckles across his nose and his cheeks. As I walked further into the kitchen he looked up from his cars and his face lit up as he jumped from his chair and ran towards me.

"Uncle Tommy! Aunt April, you ain't tell me Uncle Tommy was here!" He shouted as he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tight. I kneeled down on one knee and pulled him into a tight hug, placing my hand on the back of his head and my arm around his waist, lifting him into my arms. He pulled his head back and said, "Uncle Tommy, I missed you so much. Where've you been at?"

Jace wasn't my biological nephew but during the time April and I had been together I had become so close to that kid he was basically like the son I'd never had. I loved him so much. When April and I split, she denied me when I asked if I could still see Jace because she felt it was best that I just completely disappear from his life so not to arouse questions. I obliged however I never completely agreed with the idea of it all, but it was what she wanted so I gave her what she wanted.

April looked at me with a certain look in her eyes as if she were trying to convey to me the answer she wanted me to give Jace. Did she want me to lie? What did she want me to tell him? I set Jace down, he stared at me with a sparkle in his eye, eagerly awaiting my answer. "I've just been into some things buddy, things have been real difficult. I didn't forget about you though." I looked over at April. She seemed to approve of my answer.

"You've been gone forever! You know, Auntie April has a new husband, his name is Nicholas, and he always wears a real nice suit and stuff, but he ain't as cool as you and - " Jace continued to ramble on about April's new husband but I effectively zoned out and sat down at the table.

"You want some eggs and bacon, Tommy?" April asked as she approached the table and slid some food onto Jace's plate, as he continued to blabber on about nonsensical things.

I nodded. "Yes, please."

As she slide some bacon and eggs onto the plate in front of me, thoughts started to knock on my brain and I started to think. April didn't seem too eager to talk about the night of passion we had shared and I wondered if she would ever bring it up, and at that point, I wasn't sure if it bothered me or not. I wondered if she planned to pretend that it just never happened, and if that was the case, how would that affect us? Was there even an "us" at all?

"When does Nick come home from his trip Aunt April?" I heard Jace ask in between bites of bacon.

"He comes home tomorrow night, should be in before supper," she replied before she slipped into the chair across from me, next to Jace.

Jace pushed one of his matchbox cars across the table and shoved another piece of bacon into his mouth. "Aww man, that means I can't stay up late," he sighed.

April stared at him. "You shouldn't be staying up late anyway. But maybe if you ask nicely, Nick will let you stay up a little past your bedtime. You never know." She smiled at him.

A comfortable silence settled around us and once we finished up breakfast I headed over to the door and told April I should probably leave, I couldn't be around this house anymore. She looked up from the trash she was tending to and nodded, following me to the door. As we walked down the hallway, I could feel her behind me and I could feel my palms sweating as we got closer to the door. A part of me wanted to just keep walking without saying goodbye, without saying a damn word because at this point I felt used, like she had used me because her husband was on a business trip. That's what I was planning to do, to just walk out and never look back but I was enraged, pissed off that she acted like she just didn't care, like she could care less if I left or if I stayed. She had pursued me the night before, not the other way around. As we neared the door I abruptly stopped and spun around, I must've caught her off guard because she flinched, furrowing her eyebrows and staring at me.

I started shaking my head. "No," I said. "No, no, no no. This ain't gonna end like this, April. I ain't gonna walk out of here like last night never happened. I ain't gonna do that. Because I have just about had it with all the shit that's going on between us - "

"Tommy, I have a husband," she whispered between gritted teeth. "I have a goddamn husband who I love and adore. Last night...I don't even know what last night was about. I'm happy with my husband Tommy - "

I leaned in real close to her ear and between gritted teeth I whispered, "You're not happy April and you know that! If you were happy you wouldn't be with me right now!"

She stepped back, her mouth slightly agape. "How dare you," she said angrily.

"What? You don't like to hear the truth? I'm not afraid to hurt you, April. What about last night? It happened ya'know. You can't just pretend - "

"I know it happened! It was great but it was stupid, it was very very stupid, Tommy!" Tears fell from her eyes and put a hand over her eyes.

I jerked away from her, the sound of crunching bone rang in my ears as my knuckles connected with the drywall. "So, what, you just have sex with me and then go right back with your Mr. Perfect businessman husband? Is that what you plan to do?!"

"I promised that man my life, Tommy! I can't just go back on my word - "

"Your word ain't worth shit now, don'tcha think?! You fucked me last night and fucking enjoyed it, and don't you dare tell me you didn't!" I stopped and clenched my jaw, my fists were sweating and my heart was racing. I whipped around to look at her. "Why didn't you at least tell me face to face? Was I not worthy enough for you to shatter my heart and step on it, in purpose? Was I not worth at least a face to face break up after three years? Not even that? Not even a chance to like change your mind or something? Not even that?"

"I couldn't do it, Tommy! I couldn't look you in the eye and tell you I couldn't take it anymore, because I knew that once I saw your face I wouldn't be able to do it. I wasn't that strong. You think it was tough in jail? You don't think it was a goddamn struggle everyday of my life that you weren't here? You don't think that it hurt, you don't think I cried myself to sleep every night? Is that what you came all this way to hear? Is that why you came here?!" She was crying now, tears freefalling down her cheeks, glistening. She never even noticed Jace with his head poked around the corner and his hand over his mouth, I noticed but I was too mad to care.

"I hope he's worth it! I hope he gives you everything you ever wanted, everything I could never give you. But just remember, he will never love you like I do!"

I pushed open the screen door and walked out. In the distance as I walked to my truck I could hear Jace calling for me, I could hear him crying on the porch for me to come back, but I kept walking.

Salty tears glistened down my face and I began to tremble. I felt nauseous, I had an empty feeling in the deepest pit of my stomach and I felt like throwing up. I hated myself for crying, I cursed under my breath and kicked the wheel of my car, sand swirled up and I just sat on the hood. Then, as if I had been kicked in the stomach, as though I was winded and couldn't catch my breath, I saw a figure racing towards me and I nearly dropped to my knees.

"Uncle Tommy!"

The voice broke through my sense and I thought my knees might buckle under me so I leaned my weight on the hood of my car as Jace ran into my arms, I could hear muffled cries as he buried his face into my shirt. He was sobbing and so was I, I hugged him close, so close I thought I might crush him. After a couple moments, I pulled him back and looked into his eyes, they were bloodshot and wet.

"Go back to your aunt Jace, go now, I have to go."

The hand with my heart squeezed and I began to physically ache. I couldn't look at Jace. "Jace, please, go back to your aunt," I said as I climbed into the Chevy. "Go back to you aunt," my voice was stern.

He looked at me, tears in his eyes. He stood there quiet, his arms wrapped tightly around himself in a hug, hoping to comfort himself. His body trembled uncontrollably as he sobbed, his cheeks stained with the endless stream of tears from his glossy eyes, enduring the emotional pain that continued to engulf him. He had a look of pure betrayal on his face.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry buddy."

The Chevy bounced as I drove down the road.

**Walking out the door this morning**

**Wondering what it is that's going on with you, on with you**

**Thinking of a way to say I'm sorry**

**For something that I'm not sure I do, sure I do**


End file.
